By Rori Raye
Have you ever found yourself bouncing in and out of the same “relationship” with the same man?
He leaves, he comes back, things are good, then they blow up again? Or sometimes there’s no blow up at all – he just drifts away?
And there you are, stunned and missing him.
If you’ve found yourself like this, wondering to yourself and your friends, almost desperately, again and again over the same man, “What could have happened?” you’re in good company.
So many of us feel so close to the relationship of our dreams, with our dream man, and then it just doesn’t happen.
It feels like we HAD it, and then it slipped through our fingers.
We have these wonderful weeks, even months where the old fire comes back, and we’re getting along again like the soul mates we just know we are.
We start thinking about the future with him again.
And then when it falls apart again, or he turns away for even a minute, all we can think about is how to get him to SEE that we’re perfect for each other and we should be together forever.
But often, the problem comes from the fact that you were never in a real relationship with him at all. Let me explain what I mean…
An Imaginary Relationship is way different from a Real Relationship.
In an Imaginary Relationship, sometimes we feel “hurt” when, according to the rules (as he sees it) of a “friends” or “dating” relationship, he hasn’t actually done anything hurtful.
Sometimes we feel hurt because we have such low self–esteem. Sometimes we feel hurt because we’re afraid to feel how ANGRY we actually feel.
But ALWAYS – we feel “hurt” because we are EXPECTING him to behave like he’s in a Real Relationship with us, when really, he’s only in an Imaginary Relationship.
To him, he’s in NO relationship at all.
I know, because I was in many Imaginary Relationships that broke my heart before I realized what I was doing…and finally stopped the pattern.
And I was in these Imaginary Relationships because I completely IGNORED the feelings I was feeling on the inside. I appeared tough on the outside – like a wall – hiding my real feelings. I’d pretend everything was okay, even though I was complete jelly on the inside.
And so men just assumed I was “unhurtable.” They figured that I could “handle things.” They thought if I wasn’t happy with the way they were treating me, I’d leave – just like they would.
I had no idea how to treat myself well, much less require that they treat me well!
And then it hit me.
I had to teach myself to treat myself well.
Ask yourself: If everything changed, and he came around, but he still wasn’t capable of acting like a grown, good man – would you really want him?
I had to stop beating myself up so I wouldn’t attract men who’d help me beat myself up.
I had to start loving myself so I would attract men who’d help me love myself.
It was such a simple concept, but it was like the first day of school for me.
I had no idea how to start, but I started by embracing myself. All of myself, even the parts I didn’t like.
The moment I began to embrace my jelliness on the inside, and let people start to see it on the outside, an amazing thing happened.
I got stronger on the inside. It was as though my insides and outsides had switched. I became more sensitive to MYSELF, instead of always being so sensitive to HIM.
When you’re in this, it feels like you’re on edge all the time.
The more he comes and goes, sometimes by just not responding to you in a way that feels good when you’re at dinner, or at a party, the more you feel it’s YOUR fault (it isn’t!)
You feel like there’s something you could DO to get his love, but you feel desperate just searching for it.
And here’s the big thing: you’re so wrapped up in trying to GET his love, that you lose sight of the real picture of this man. You blind yourself to the fact that this man might not even be what you want.
Ask yourself: If everything changed, and he came around, but he still wasn’t capable of acting like a grown, good man– would you really want him?
Just asking yourself this question will change your vibe. All of a sudden, the energy between you and a man will change.
Instead of him always being sure of you, and that he can count on arguments and all kinds of drama, and for you to take care of everything – instead you’ll be calm, peaceful, loving yourself, busy with your life, and taking your time about whether or not HE’S what YOU want.
And when the energy shifts like that, a man feels COMPELLED to be with you.
The urge to chase you comes back to him. The fire comes back. It feels like starting fresh to him.
BRIDGING is how you get from an Imaginary Relationship to a Real Relationship.
Getting across The Bridge – over the Pit of Mistakes and the Trap of Fears – and having the relationship you want is soooo much EASIER than we’ve all been taught.
All it takes to avoid the mistakes and deal with your fears is having the right Tools.
If you want to hear me walking you across the Bridge, with a 7–STEP PLAN to finally get his commitment (so he follows through this time), work with my Commitment Blueprint program.
In this program, you’ll learn how to create the kind of experience in him that will trigger his desire to have you for himself as so much bigger and more powerful than his fear of committing to you for life.
I’ll teach you all about a man’s emotional journey from being in a casual or on–again, off–again uncommitted relationship to actually WANTING to commit to you (and he will!)
BRIDGING makes it all possible – because you will be treating this man as just “one more man,” instead of your “one–and–only man.”
Can you see how this would feel so much better? My Commitment Blueprint program will tell you everything there is to know about how to Bridge from an Imaginary (Uncommitted) Relationship to a Real One: